My sister, Barbara Henning, is a medical transcriptionist when not working on her novel. This is a short article she wrote in a transcriptionist newsletter:
DOCTOR-SPEAK
Of course, no doctor/medical professional really speaks English. Sadly, nobody really knows why they have their own language; why they feel the need to say epistaxis rather than nosebleed.
It’s happened to all of us at one time or another, hasn’t it? You’re in the emergency room or simply getting that pesky annual physical out of the way. Everything is moving along smoothly. Name. Address. Date of birth. Reason for the visit. Have you had any headaches? “No.” Dizziness? “No.” Blurred vision? “No.” Epistaxis? “. . . . Well . . . . no. My taxes are about the same every year. Why?”
Never mind. Hearing problems? “No.” Swallowing problems? “No.” Any breathing problems? “No.” Dyspnea on exertion? “God bless you.” Uh, let me put it this way – any shortness of breath? “No.”
Do you have any GI problems? “No, my husband was in the Marines, but mostly he doesn’t act like it.” Okay, let’s make that stomach problems. “Oh. No.” Urinary tract infections? “No.” Stooling problems? “Nope. Everybody in the family has their own stool, right there at the breakfast bar in the kitchen.”
Medical professionals are harried, and hurried, and the medical jargon just falls out of their mouths. It’s not their fault. Their medical training has spanned years, and Latin derivatives just become part of normal conversation. They don’t seem to be able to help it. Ask any 10-year-old who’s fallen out of a tree and gone to an urgent care center to get stitches in his head, only to be asked during the physical exam, “Do you have any cervical or thoracic pain, son?”
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