Compelling Interest

Carmine Baffa Is In Jail

UPDATE, April 29. In addition to the charges he is facing in Gwinnett County, Georgia, Carmine Baffa now also faces nearly two dozen more charges in Cobb County (also in Georgia), including statutory rape and aggravated sodomy.

As a non-custodial parent, I have been fighting since 2004 to keep Carmine Baffa out of my children's lives.

Carmine was taken into custody April 9. When I wrote the following and posted it on the 11th, it was virtually the only site on the web that had anything negative to say about the man. Everything else that came up on a "Baffa" search was the stuff that's been on the web for years - all glowing, all praise, all wonderment. You had to dig pretty deep online to find chatroom conversations from 10 years ago that pointed to what is going on with the man today.

Considering what Carmine had been hauled in for, I thought it would be a good time to share things that he has done to me and my family in recent years, lest his supporters think that what he is now being accused of comes out of a clear, blue sky.

[April 11]
As I write this, Dr. Carmine Baffa is sitting in the Gwinnett County jail (in Georgia) facing charges of child molestation (possibly "aggravated") and rape (it looks like of a minor, and nothing to do with my children, thankfully).

Carmine Baffa began counseling my ex-wife and my boys sometime in 2004, about two years after our divorce. I was fine with it until I asked my ex-wife what Carmine discusses with the children. I was told it was none of my business. Red flag.

It wasn’t long before I started hearing things from my oldest son that indicated attempts by Carmine to divide me and my children (emphasis added):

When my boy told Carmine that I wouldn’t take him to see Star Wars: Episode III because it was PG-13, my son related that “Carmine said he would take me to a PG-13 movie.” Nothing like having your parental authority and guidance undermined.

“Carmine said there is no reason for you to raise your voice at me, and that I don’t have to see you anymore on the weekends if you keep doing it!” What the...?

“Carmine said I don't have to be mad at mommy 'cause it’s not her fault you moved out,” inferring to the 6-year-old the need to assign blame, and if it isn’t mom’s fault, well, who’s left? You always want young children of divorce saying it's one or the other parent's fault; otherwise, how else can you foster animosity between them?

Red flags.

My youngest son reported that Carmine had struck him during an incident at Disney World (yes, Carmine used to take families to Disney World to observe his clients in a “stressful environment” to see how they would interact, as if this dynamic couldn't be observed while taking your kids down the cereal aisle at the local grocery store - ironically, it seems Carmine was the one stressing out at Disney World).

My youngest son also said that Carmine threatened to beat him up just this past August if he didn’t behave. Carmine is 52; my son is seven. Both of these incidents with my youngest son were verified by my ex-wife and treated as if nothing were wrong. Red flags.

Let's review.  Apparently, the wisdom of Carmine would say that it’s not okay (or, not "useful") to raise your voice to a child; that it is, in fact, so harmful that parents who do so should be separated from their children. However, there may be times when it is useful to threaten them with violence, to smack them, or (allegedly) to just out and out rape them. Gosh, I hadn’t thought of that.

For three whole years after the divorce, I had been seeing my boys about 26 days a month, and I'm the non-custodial parent. One day in August of 2005, I e-mailed Carmine and flat told him to stop seeing my children. The next day (and my ex-wife has verified this), Carmine directly influenced my ex-wife to implement the default visitation schedule in our divorce settlement. This instantly limited the boys and I to about eight days a month. (There was a serious flaw in the wording of the settlement that allowed my ex to get away with it.)

For the next year, I had to fight in and out of court to restore about 95% of the time the boys and I formerly enjoyed. The glaring irony is that my ex-wife had told me that the boys were "in therapy with Carmine to help them deal with the separation issues of divorce." I was unaware of any issues along those lines - the fact that the boys were seeing both parents virtually every day since the divorce must have been blinding me to this possibility.

The brilliance of Carmine is that only he could fathom that the way to help children cope with non-existent "separation issues" is to suddenly, drastically, and arbitrarily increase the separation between the children and one of their parents, thereby CREATING separation issues. Does this sound utterly backward to anyone? It did to our court mediator, too.

But let's look it squarely in the face and recognize that Carmine was helping to greatly reduce my parenting time to punish me for openly opposing his involvement with my children. That is family counseling at its finest.

On more than one occasion, I asked my ex-wife and e-mailed Carmine requesting to see his credentials for counseling children, or to counsel parents on parenting issues, or to counsel anyone. My requests were always ignored. (No, I don't wonder why.) And people have been shelling out tens of thousands of dollars for his...I'm not sure what to call it.

After I had heard of the incident at Disney World (which occurred in '04 but wasn't related to me until '05), it became my policy to make a statement to my ex-wife everytime I heard that she and the boys were heading to Atlanta to attend one of Carmine's seminars or to spend a weekend at his house: "I don't want Carmine near the boys, and they are never to be alone with him."

I was sickened to hear that during one of their weekends at Carmine's (within the last year), it was "just us and mom, and another girl was there for the weekend. She was 13 or 14." I asked if the girl's parents were around, too. "No," the boys said, "it was just her. Her parents were in [another state], where they live." Big, red flag.

Amazing that my gut feeling compelled me to make that statement to my ex-wife before they'd go to Atlanta, and yet I had never even met the man. But people who actually worked with him directly were able to be convinced that sending their teenage daughter to spend a weekend with Carmine would be somehow "useful." I have to wonder if his eyes don't become large swirls as he talks to you.

Well, thank you for sharing your incredible wisdom with my children, Carmine. We laughed at your mugshot – it was the first time I had ever seen what you look like. Your involvement with my children over the years has given me the opportunity to teach them the meaning of “a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” You were the object lesson. Hopefully, it is a lesson they have learned well.

By the way, where IS your doctoral degree from? There are so many people who have been asking you that for so many years. Maybe that will come out during your trial. I’m sure a lot of interesting things will.

I'd wish you luck at the trial, Carmine, but I just can't. As far as I'm concerned, you're finally home, and you need to stay there.

Letters to Carmine: The Series (No. 1)

By the time I'd written my first letter to Carmine Baffa on August 5, 2005, my boys had been exposed to him for over a year. I had already heard from my oldest son some remarks Carmine had made to him which undermined me as a parent, and I was not happy. I had also already asked my ex-wife for Carmine's credentials as they pertain to counseling, but to no avail.

August 5th was a Friday, and my ex-wife and children had come back that afternoon from four days with Carmine. It had been arranged that I was to have the boys that weekend, beginning on the 5th at 6:00pm.

Six o'clock came and went, and there was no sign of the boys and no phone call. I called my ex-wife's home and cell phones about every half hour, hoping to find out what was going on. Finally, at 8:30pm, I decided to drive to her home to see what I could see.

Sure enough, they were home. I heard the boys playing in the living room when I rang the bell, and their mother ushered them to their room before she opened the door. (Keep in mind the following as the door opens: she has sole care and custody, we didn't have an enforceable parenting schedule in the divorce settlement, I had been picking up the boys everyday after school for the three years since the divorce, and nothing even remotely like this had happened before.)

"Hi," I said.

"Hello," she said, with eyes that were both dark and blank.

"Do you answer your phones anymore?"

"Did you get my e-mail?"

"No. I'm here to pick up the boys. They were supposed to be with me at six."

"I won't need you to watch them this weekend," she said, flatly.

"I didn't know I was 'watching them' for you. This is our weekend together."

"They're staying here with me. You'll see them Monday after school, as usual."

It was obvious by her demeanor that she was not going to release the children to me, and I knew that escalating the rhetoric would only make things worse. I decided to let her win.

"Why won't you let the children come with me?"

"I don't want to discuss it right now."

"Can I at least see them and say goodnight before I go?"

"No."

Red flag. Are the children okay? Are there bruises or something she doesn't want me to see? I knew at this point I'd be calling the police.

"Why won't you let me see the children before I leave?"

"I don't want to discuss it."

I left, thinking that she was not herself; almost as if she were drugged. I called the sheriff's department and had them do a well-being check on my boys. They reported that the boys appeared to be fine. Needless to say, my ex-wife was less than amused at having two sheriff's deputies show up at the door.

I had a strong hunch that Carmine was behind my ex-wife's decision to keep the boys for the weekend - something along the lines of: "Why don't you keep the boys with you for the weekend so as not to spoil what we have been working on the last four days." I later learned that this hunch was correct.

Later that night, I wrote to Carmine (having found an e-mail address on his website). And, dear reader, you shall now learn my name!

________________________________

Dr. Baffa,

My name is Kurt Henning. I am the father of [the Henning boys]. When you are next in [town - Carmine was regularly holding seminars where I live], I would like to speak to you. Perhaps I could take you to lunch.

I hope this finds you well.

________________________________

Not bad for as freaked-out as I was, eh?

He completely ignored me, and I was going to pay for lunch! I suppose he knew I might have some questions.

By the way, I did check e-mail when I got home, and there it was, a cryptic one-liner:

"I won't need you to watch the boys this weekend."

I wonder why she didn't call to tell me? I suppose she knew I might have some questions.

Letters to Carmine: The Series (No. 2)

In the interest of full disclosure, and before the tabloids get a hold of it and attempt to ruin my entire career, I should make my readers aware that, as one who has been relishing the capture of Carmine Baffa, and as one who is hoping that he will be incarcerated forever, I, personally, have done my own jail time. I refer the reader to the "Nonfiction" category of my blog. After clicking there, scroll down to the post entitled "Jailbird, Part I." Further down in that category, you will also find Part II. Now you know the whole truth, and you heard it here first.

____________________

Over the weekend that was to me mine with the kids (beginning August 5th), I stewed. I did my Navy weekend, and I stewed.

The boys (7 and 5 at the time) had been anticipating for over a month that I would be taking them with me to "the Navy" for my August drill. I went alone. They missed the chance to meet my shipmates, salute officers in their cute, very serious way, and see daddy present to his unit a short history of the original USS Chicago.

I did see the boys after school on Monday, "as usual." I also saw them on Tuesday after school. A couple other things occurred on Tuesday, August 9th: my ex-wife repeated something she had told me at least once before ("the boys are in therapy with Carmine to help them deal with the separation issues of divorce"), and I informed her that, due to her failure to consult with me prior to incurring expenses associated with any kind of therapy for the boys (as per the divorce settlement), she would never see a penny of the over $10,000 she was trying to collect from me for "health care expenses for the boys."

That night, I wrote to Carmine again:

____________________

Dr. Baffa,

Looking forward to meeting with you at some point in the future.

I feel it is important to inform you that, until I am made aware of the nature, purpose, and goal of the therapy to which you are exposing my young children, I must be adamantly opposed to your involvement in their lives. One of my roles as a parent is that of "protector;" therefore, how can I possibly endorse professional therapy for my children without having been fully informed of its nature, purpose, and goals?

I have asked [my ex-wife] for information, and though she is required by law to inform me fully, and though she was required by our divorce settlement to consult with me before commencing any therapy for the boys, she has refused to inform me (stating that it is "none of my business"), and she failed to consult with me. In light of this, I would advise you to cease your relationship with my children until that relationship can be placed on firmer ground (I am speaking in legal terms, you understand).

Your prompt response to this e-mail is greatly appreciated.

____________________

The good "Doctor" had nothing to say in response, as usual. However, as you will learn in "No. 3," he did not ignore me - not by a long shot.

Letters to Carmine: The Series (No. 3)

You're a perfectly fit parent, yet you don't have custody of your children, and you have the vaguest possible parenting agreement in the divorce settlement. You must not have had a lawyer during the divorce proceedings. And, truth be known, you were pretty ignorant when it came to your rights as a parent, so you really didn't know what to challenge in the settlement as drawn up by your ex's counsel. You read it, you signed it, and you hoped for the best.

Now, you have the audacity to write to your ex's "therapist" and say "stop seeing my children." The very next day, you are informed that you will be restricted to seeing your children every other weekend, and Wednesdays for dinner. Only.

You were the primary caregiver for the children for the two years prior to the divorce. You saw them virtually everyday for the three years after the divorce. You have been a constant in their lives since they were born. Now, if you even stop by their preschool on a Tuesday to read them a book and give them a hug, the police will be called to escort you away. What is happening??

Dear reader, never think that I believe that what Carmine did to my boys and I through an angry ex-spouse compares to the violence he has been accused of visiting upon a number of other people, and never think that I am not aware that other non-custodial parents and their children have had it far worse than me and my kids. But know this: there is a pain that is indescribable when you are forcibly kept from your children for no valid reason.

Some right now would say, "What are you talking about? You still had the standard visitation in place!"

And I would simply shoot back, "Standard?! If you had the ability and desire to see your children everyday and were arbitrarily limited to every other weekend and Wednesdays for dinner, would you be satisfied? Would you protest, or just shrug your shoulders and say, 'Well, that's standard.'?" I grew up with parents, and "standard" was daily contact.

I realize that when a home is broken, daily contact often becomes a thing of the past, because children cannot be asked to be in two places at once when mom and dad get off work and go to their respective homes, or because the parent who moved out may not make time for the children (for various reasons). But I chose self-employment so I could make my own schedule, so I could be there for the children between the time school lets out and when their mother gets home from work. The only time my children and I weren't seeing each other was during their weekends with mom - four days out of the month. That's pretty damn good; that's healthy.

But Carmine saw an opportunity. When I wrote my third letter, I only had a suspicion that Carmine was behind my ex-wife's decision to restrict my time with the boys. I was still trying to write to him in a way that invited him to respond, as a professional counselor, to my concerns; trying to give him the opportunity to put my concerns and fears to rest.

Between my second letter and this one, my ex-wife had been saying that I was not a good influence on the children, and that less time with me was better. She couldn't base it on anything solid, and she had never before August 9th suggested that the children were seeing too much of their father. No, nothing before August 9th.

But after that date, she was convinced (or someone had convinced her) that I was no good for the boys I loved so much, and who loved me with equal ardency. All of her justifications (which changed as I rejected one after the other) sounded hollow; she didn't speak with conviction, she only made her arguments with an assertive anger. I believe she knew in her heart that I was a good father, but she was being told to believe and act otherwise. Had I known this for sure when I wrote this third letter, the tone would have matched that of my final letter to Carmine.

This was written in the early morning of September 6, 2005. Again, there was no response.

____________________

Dr. Baffa,

As one who is counseling [my children], you need to be aware (if you are not already) that [my ex-wife] has diminished the days they see their father in a typical month from about 26 days to about 4. Obviously, this will have a significant impact on the boys. [She] imposed this restriction the day after I e-mailed you and asked you to stop seeing the boys. I believe her sole motivation has been to try to punish me for the e-mail I sent you. I had been picking up the boys every day after school for the last three years, and it was never a problem until that infamous e-mail. The irony of it all is that [she] has stated that she has the boys in counseling with you to help deal with my moving out (separation issues). As a professional counselor, does it make any sense to you that such a sudden and drastic reduction in the time they spend with their father would actually help them deal with separation issues?

Could you please write back and let me know if you are supporting this decision of [hers], and if so, why?

Sincerely,
Kurt Henning
A concerned father

Letters to Carmine: The Series (No. 4)

This letter was entitled “Time to be responsible,” written September 21, 2005. This is where I made the shift from “I’m concerned, help me understand,” to “This is why I’m concerned, and I will take legal action against you if I don’t get some answers – fast.”

The quotes from my oldest son were my way of putting Carmine's twisted counseling right in his face, hoping I would finally get a response. It didn’t work. (By the way, the bracketed material below is from the original letter.)

As far as the threat of legal action, it was a desperate mix of sincerity and bluff: sincerity, because I knew I had to do something, and I knew it had to be through the courts; bluff, because I didn’t have the money to do anything. Carmine likely knew through my ex-wife that I was no Daddy Warbucks, so he probably didn’t flinch. He certainly didn’t respond.

____________________

Dr. Baffa,

I have sent you three e-mails and one voicemail since August 9th. All of my communication with you is centered around concern for my children and their well-being.

Below are some reasons for my concern as it relates to your involvement with my children. The following quotes are from my oldest son.

“Carmine says I don't have to be mad at mommy 'cause it's not her fault you moved out.” [from October of 2004; playing the "blame game" with a six-year-old]

“Carmine said there is no reason for you to raise your voice at me.” [June, 2005; undermining parental authority and autonomy]

“Carmine said he'll take me to a PG-13 movie someday.” [August 9, 2005; undermining parental control, protection, and guidance; a non-parental adult giving permission to a child to be "older"]

“Carmine said I don't have to keep coming to your house on the weekends if you keep yelling at me.” [August 24, 2005; undermines and minimizes parent/child relationship; undermines parental authority and autonomy]

These are only some of the reasons for my concern, Dr. Baffa. Before I file a motion seeking a restraining order against you, I will give you two days (from now) to explain the above quotes and to explain why you have been so slow to respond to a very responsible, conscientious father who has legitimate concern for his children. You can explain everything to me, or you can explain it to the judge.

Sincerely,

Kurt Henning

____________________

Two things:

1. The last quote from my son was a comment made to him after our time together had been severely restricted. If there were any truth to what Carmine had said, then all we would have had left was Wednesday nights for dinner. I believe that when Carmine said that my son wouldn’t have to see me anymore “on the weekends,” he was basically importing to my son that he wouldn’t have to see me anymore, period. “You don’t have to see mean, bad daddy anymore if he keeps doing those meany things to you.” I wonder what it’s like to throttle a man.

The sheer stupidity of Carmine’s statements made it pretty easy for me to convince my sons that there was something wrong with the man. I would simply discuss how a real, trained family counselor might approach the things Carmine was addressing (relying on common sense and the developmentally appropriate practices I had learned working pre-school for fifteen years).

I likened Carmine’s approach to counseling to the man that might approach my children and ask them to help “find his puppy.” That’s a red flag, boys. Adults don’t ask children for help, they ask other adults. Counselors don’t separate children from fit, loving parents, they foster closeness; they don’t use conflict as justification to separate, they encourage conflict resolution. See the red flags, boys? They got it.

2. Fathers Day is approaching. I don’t know if my boys have anything planned for me (perhaps a gift made at school). Whatever it might be, I will accept it with great honor and humility. It is such a delight to be their dad.

I always knew I loved children. I became an uncle at age five and was immediately enthralled with my infant niece. When people saw me with her, they remarked that I “will be a great daddy someday.” It turns out they were right, and I knew instinctively at age five that they were right.

When I was in high school I took an after-school job at the Mountain View Child Care Center in Denver, Colorado. I had never thought of working at a pre-school before, but Pam S. convinced me that it would be fun. Pam was a year out of high school and worked there full-time. I had a crush on Pam. How could I say no?

I ended up working in the ECE (Early Childhood Education) field for a decade and a half. In all that time, I was often told that someday I would make a great father. Yeah, I knew that.

I am not a perfect parent – there’s no such thing. But I am a great parent because I love my children, and they know it. That is all that is required. If your children know you love them, then you’re a great parent, too. Admit it. Go ahead!

For those parents out there who feel like they suck, well, take heart. We all know there is no instruction manual. In some ways, we’re all making it up as we go along. Just be aware of the vast difference between you knowing you love your children, and your children knowing you love them.

Maybe you haven’t told them in awhile. Maybe this Sunday you need to tell them (moms, too). Maybe you need to look your child directly in the eye and say it: I love you. Maybe your eyes will get watery while you say it because that’s how deeply you feel it. Let them know; they need to know. And then, make it your habit to tell them at some random point everyday, at least once.

Carmine, I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but you were dead wrong to ever attempt coming between my children and I. Surely there are better fathers out there, but this Sunday, I will be celebrating ME.

Letters to Carmine: The Series (No. 5)

October 7, 2005. I appeared in court that day, representing myself. It was my initial attempt (an attempt that would stretch into a year) to restore my time with the boys, and it bombed completely. In the end, the court agreed with my ex-wife's lawyer who claimed that a "child expert" had advised the mother that the children would be better off spending more time at their after-school program than with their father.

If any of you reading this know the first thing about parental rights, and know anything about court procedure, you can see that my lack of training in jurisprudence is to blame for not attacking the following issues right then and there:

1. The "child expert" argument had no foundation. Who was this expert? Did they have a name? Did they have credentials identifying them as a "child expert"? And isn't it pathetic that, although he never was named, and given that my children were not involved at the time with any other so-called counselors, "child expert" here means none other than Carmine Baffa? Sickening.

2. Why, specifically, should the father be restricted in his time with the children? In my state, visitation can ONLY be restricted based on the "ongoing abuse" standard as defined in the state Code, not the "best interest of the child" standard.

I was shot down mercilessly by my ex-wife's lawyer while the judge looked on. At one point, the lawyer and the judge were questioning my wanting to see my children every weekday. I was literally ashamed of them as fellow adult human beings. I left feeling victimized; victimized in a place that was supposedly designed to protect me and my children.

That night, I wrote to my ex-wife and Carmine. After addressing a few things to my ex-wife, I wrote:

____________________

Carmine, I am the father of [the Henning boys]; you are not. I resent your being in their lives and meddling with their relationship with me, their parent. The things you have said to [my oldest son] show me that you do not know children and you do not know how to take care of them; you have said things to him regarding the parent/child relationship which are irresponsible and can cause serious confusion and damage to a young mind. [My oldest] informs me that you grew up without a mom and a dad and that it was tough. I was sorry to hear that. I grew up without a dad. [My ex-wife] grew up with a mom and a dad. [My children] have a mom and a dad. Let it be, Carmine.

And let me just be very undiplomatic here and say that I also resent your manipulating [my ex-wife's] obvious anger for your own gain. You've hit the jackpot with an angry single mom, and you're milking it. By hurting [my ex-wife], you are hurting her children, and by trying to undermine their relationship with their father, you are hurting her children. I am asking you to step out of the children's lives now.

There is being in control, and there is being right. My boys will be learning a valuable lesson in the days and weeks to come: sometimes in life, the people who are in control are wrong, and the people who have less control are right. Do not align with people because they have the appearance of power or control, align yourselves with those who value what is right. Right is might.

You guys are in control, but I'd rather be right.

Kurt

Letters To Carmine: The Series (No. 6) Finale

[FYI – Letter No. 6 is Rated R for language.  Just thought I’d mention it since, in this respect, it is unlike anything else on this blog.]

 

On December 16, 2005, my boys and I were sharing a meal in my home.  The subject of Carmine had come up, and out of the blue my youngest son said: “When Carmine taps me it feels like a hit.”  His mouth was smiling as if to say, “Isn’t that silly?”  But his eyes were asking another question: “That won’t happen again, will it?”

 

I wasn’t seeing a red flag at this point – I was just seeing red.  That arrogant, misguided charlatan had actually laid a hand on my child.

 

I asked my son some questions about the incident and talked him through it.  Once again, my message was that I was sorry the incident had ever taken place, and that it never should have happened (no, son, you didn’t deserve that, and what Carmine did was WRONG).

 

The story goes that on a trip to Disney World during Halloween of ’04, Carmine, the boys, and my ex-wife were walking along through the amusement park crowds.  My youngest, being the 4-year-old that he was, wanted to be everywhere at once and was having a hard time staying with the group.  Carmine decided to smack the boy on the back with an open hand to keep him in line.

 

When my boy complained that Carmine had “hit” him, Carmine said it was not a “hit,” it was a “tap.”  Carmine then went to my oldest son and said, “Does this feel like a hit, or a tap?”  Without an official inquisition, we all know that Carmine used a lighter touch on my oldest son than he had on my youngest.  “A tap,” said my oldest.

 

Is it probable that a 5-year-old would remember being “tapped” a year after the fact?  No, not probable.  But the force Carmine had used on my youngest son had been swimming around in the boy’s mind for over a year.  Carmine had hit my child.

 

After the boys had gone to bed, I e-mailed the Orlando Police Department to find out how to file a report.  The police chief responded a couple of days later and directed me to the Orange County Sheriff’s Office.  I then filed an incident report with them.

 

The e-mail I fired off right after the one to the Orlando Police is below.  I addressed it to Carmine and copied it to my ex-wife and Alan Allard (Carmine’s right-hand-man at the time).  Of course, no one responded, but that was to be expected by now.

 

____________________

 

This is the last fucking straw, Carmine:

 

[Youngest son]: "When Carmine taps me it feels like a hit."

 

Dad: "What did you do when Carmine 'tapped' you?"

 

[Son]: "I said, 'Ow!  You hit me!'"

 

The parent/child relationship is sacred ground, my friend, and you blew it with me months ago.

 

You are known to have poured gasoline on a client and produced a lighter; that's just weird (and if you made the story up, then you're just a liar).  What's the difference between that and holding a knife to someone's throat, or a gun to their head, or putting a rope around their neck and saying, "Change, or I'll kill you!"?

 

You have told my oldest son (in so many words) that his relationship with me is unimportant.

 

According to court testimony in October, you advised [my ex-wife] to suddenly and drastically reduce time spent between myself and my children, drawing a completely unsubstantiated line between their "less than useful" behavior and time spent with their father.

 

You told [my oldest son] last weekend that you see change in [his little brother’s] behavior, and that you attributed the change to “less time with Dad.”  The truth is, genius, that [my youngest son’s] changes are coming primarily from these factors: he is growing older and maturing; he is out of "less than useful" preschool programs and in kindergarten; he was part of an organized sports team for the first time this last summer/fall.  The changes you and [my ex-wife] have seen would still have occurred if I had been continuing the daily routine this whole time.  Take it from one who worked professionally with children from zero- to six-years-old for 15 years, who consorted regularly with people who hold degrees in child development, child psychology, and early childhood education; I've also been a parent for almost eight years.  I know enough to be certain that you have no fucking idea what you're doing when it comes to children; not a goddamn clue.

 

I have informed the boys: "Carmine is full of crap."  I explained why.

 

Where did you get your doctoral, master's, and bachelor's degrees from, Carmine, and what are they in?  Can you show them to me?  In what states are you licensed to counsel young children?  Can you show me the licenses?

 

How dare you come between my children and I, you phony son-of-a-bitch.  Everything you are doing to "help them deal with the trauma of the divorce" is totally ass backwards.  If there is any trauma since the divorce, it comes from the bullshit they have received from your godforsaken mouth.  Have you seen The Two Towers from The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Carmine?  You are Wormtongue; [my ex-wife] and the boys are the king that Wormtongue poisoned with his ill counsel.

 

[My ex-wife] says I have the talent to be able to communicate with you in a way that will bring the desired response, as if I have to approach you humbly and respectfully.  Bullshit.  Show yourself worthy of respect, you fucking retard.  I have no obligation to you.  You are working with my children - you have an obligation to those children and to the parents of those children - BOTH PARENTS, if you really care for the children you're working with.  And don't expect me to cool down anytime soon unless you are ready to come groveling to me first.

 

And now I hear that you have dared to lay a hand on my five-year-old son.  I want you and all of your professional associates to stay away from my children.  I consider you a danger to them, a threat; harmful; irresponsible.  You have no business meddling with their minds or "tapping" their bodies; you are not worthy of their company.

 

Don't bother responding, Carmine.  I am responding.

 

Kurt Henning

P.S.  Alan, why don't you post this on the "What people are saying about Carmine" web page?

 

____________________

 

 

 

 

Epilogue

[written July 4, 2008]

 

“No. 6” was my final letter to Carmine.  After this, I concentrated on having my story heard in a court of law, the goal being to restore the daily routine with my children, and to get a ruling that would require my ex-wife to keep the children away from Carmine Baffa and any of his professional associates.  This was me “responding.”

 

I appeared several times in court without representation from the fall of ’05 into the spring of ‘06, and all of my motions were stricken on technical grounds.  I couldn’t afford a lawyer, and made too much money to qualify for legal aid.

 

Finally, one day it came to me!  I, like many of you, periodically receive a check in the mail from one creditor or another, a check you can immediately cash and pay back at an ungodly rate of interest.  I always tear these checks in half and throw them away.  I decided that the next one to show up in my mailbox would be my ticket to a lawyer.  And that’s exactly how it happened.

 

In the spring of ’06 I hired a lawyer at 28% interest.  She immediately steered my ex-wife and I into court ordered mediation.  Couples in mediation are typically given two sessions to try to reach some agreement.  Our mediator graciously allowed us a third.

 

The sessions were bizarre in that my ex-wife eventually offered up a parenting agreement that allowed me more time with the children than she would have.  I rejected her offer and explained: “I don’t believe that your having less time with the children is in their best interests, either.  I believe that the children should have maximum time with each parent, and that our previous arrangement provided that.”  She became fixated on the idea that the children could spend all kinds of time with me, so long as it wasn’t daily.  She felt we needed some breaks in between.  Any arrangement was fine – anything but daily contact.  To my mind, this was nothing more than a control issue, and ridiculous for the fact that she has no problem leaving the boys with me for days at a time if she has to be out of town.

 

We hammered out an arrangement that basically adds up to this: I used to pick up the boys every weekday in the mid-afternoon and would have them until their mother got home from work around six.  I also had them every other weekend.  If you added up the average number of hours the boys and I had together on a weekly basis, and compared them to the number of hours we enjoy together now, our new schedule means we are basically missing every other Friday afternoon from the original schedule.  This is why I say we got back about 95% of our time together.

 

Think about that for awhile, and think about all that the boys and I had to go through for over a year trying to figure out why we were being separated from each other, and how to overcome it.  We lost over two-thirds of a year together, and for what?  Because Carmine Baffa couldn’t stand being opposed.

 

On Wednesday, September 13, 2006, a judge signed our new parenting agreement.  Now it is clearly enforceable by sheriff’s deputies and police; now the boys and I are safe from arbitrary separation; now Carmine and anyone like him can advise restricting my time with the boys, but it will only land the children’s mother in jail if she tries.  And, yes, my boys are worth any interest rate.

 

My ex-wife and I haven’t spoken a word about Carmine’s arrest.  I only informed her, rather neutrally, on the day I had learned of it.  I don’t know what she thinks of it all.  I only know my boys are now independent of Carmine Baffa, hopefully forever.  For me, that’s a big part of this year’s Independence Day.